Adults build understanding through conversation, but our meeting schedules rarely allow time for any conversation. The really useful discussion occurs after the meeting has come to a close, as stimulated minds seek to make sense of what they have just heard. Ideas, alternatives, and solutions are more likely to come up in the parking lot after the meeting if participants haven’t had a chance to engage in conversation about the issues during the meeting itself. An effective leader looking to chair a truly meaningful meeting where real change and progress occurs will want to enhance the ability to interact effectively among the participants. After all, if there’s nothing to be gained from your attendance, why are you at this meeting? What happens in most meetings these days defeats the purpose of bringing busy professionals around the table.
If the leader believes that this committee or another group has something to offer in the change process, they will want to learn how to use these five (5) guidelines for a learning conversation, which Sue Miller originally gave me. hurst. These guidelines are part of what I call Conversational Leadership:
- listen to understand
- speak from the heart
- suspend judgment
- Keep room for differences
- Slow down the query.
These guidelines, which are really disciplines to be practiced, like healthy eating or exercise, are not learned instantly, nor do they transfer immediately to meeting participants. However, each individual committed to improving meeting outcomes can begin to practice these skills and foster their growth in themselves and others. A good place to start would be with the leader.
listen to understand. Listen openly, without judgment or blame, receiving what others are saying from a place of learning rather than a place of knowing or confirming your own position. Listen with equal respect to each person present, hoping to understand rather than “fix,” argue, refute, or persuade. At the same time, listen to yourself quietly while others are talking.
speak from the heart. When you are sincerely motivated to make a contribution, speak honestly from your own experience. Speak in the stream of development of a common understanding, not just to fill the silence or to make your position heard.
suspend judgment. Keep your certainties and assumptions at bay. Suspend any need to be right or have the correct answer. In fact, try to suspend any certainty that you yourself are right.
Keep room for differences. Embrace different points of view as learning opportunities. Do not answer with “target.” Instead, contribute “and”. Stay open to results that may not be your results. Encourage contributions from those who have remained silent.
slow down the query. Provide quiet time to digest what has just been said. Allow more conversations to flow naturally, develop and deepen. Mastering these patterns requires constant practice to release habitual ways of thinking, speaking, and listening.
For conversational leadership to be successful, participants must be truly present and full of intention and energy. A good way for the leader to start is to post these five basic guidelines, explain each one briefly, and then provide opportunities to practice. Once the group is excited, the leader can ask them to help assess the quality of the group’s interaction and suggest ways to improve the conversation.